Monday, 20 August 2018

Self Care Series: Show me how to Say No to this

So, this isn't exclusively about Salesforce, but I know it applies to a lot of us active community members. Plus this is my blog, so I can write whatever I want. I'm going to call it my "Self Care" series.

Saying no. That's something a lot of us have trouble doing. A lot. I'm still trying to why out it's like a compulsion, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate letting people down. But honestly, at times it really does get like the dopest slow jam on broadway and I find myself asking "lord, show me how to say no to this, I don't know to say no to this." And while we're not talking about cheating on a significant other, this is still something I struggle with... big time.


Ever since I was a little kid, I've always been the one doing more extra curricular activities than anyone else in my class. Fast forward to now, and it's still a similar story - I'm on the boards of two arts organisations, playing in three bands, being a Salesforce User Group leader, being on the committee for a Salesforce Community event, and more.

A lot of this is self inflicted - if there's an organisation I enjoy being a party of, I usually will offer to help. I recently did this for WITness Success - I had such a great time, that I want to help future events. And is here is my conundrum... I obviously really do want to help, but do I have the time?

When it comes down to it, I really do just love helping, and I really do hate having to say no, but it's not necessarily the healthiest thing in the world to keep saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way.

I actually said no to a big offer earlier in the year, and it was really hard for me, but I think I'm finally starting to be a bit more selective with the opportunities I accept, as if history is any indication, I'm going to continue to be presented with them.

So that got me thinking, maybe I've finally reached the stage in my life/career when I can be more selective with what I say no to, which will mean that my yes will mean more and I can choose the opportunities that really speak to me. I also feel like maybe I can negotiate my terms a bit more, so that I can be involved in my own way - this would be ideal when volunteering time for WITness Success!

I find myself burning out every now and then, which usually means just catching a bug or a bad cold, but it tends to knock me out pretty hard. It's usually my body's way of telling me to slow down and rest, if not, I'm going to make you! It just so happens that this past week has been one of these episodes, and I'm actually not surprised. I'm hoping this means I've got it out of my system until after Dreamforce!

After some discussions recently with two Salesforce Ohana ladies that I look up to, Jean Velonis and Melinda Smith (both core members of the WITness Success team), they offered up some wise words. As we grow up, our priorities change, and it's ok to say yes when you're passionate about something, but you have to make sure that your spouse, significant other, kids, loved one etc. are not coming in second fiddle to whatever it is your are dedicating your energy to.

When I told my hubby I was joining a new band recently he asked sheepishly if he'd still get to see me, which made me take a step back and think. Maybe taking on this new commitment will mean I'll have to give up another one.

So what I've learned, and what I want to share with you all is that we should just be smarter about what we agree to and think about the implications it has on our lives, and the lives of our loved ones. They are the ones that need us most and we should listen to them and say YES when they need us, even if that means saying no to something else.

I know this is something that most of us will continue to struggle with - we're the natural leaders, and we can't help ourselves. I'm happy to say this is something I'm working on, and I hope you can too.


Soundtrack: Say No to This - Hamilton
but you should also check out this song: No - Iva Lankum

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